I AIN'T DEAD!
Hello, y'all. I've been cheating on my livejournal with Twitter.... sorry about that ;)
Anyway, remember that Mighty Boosh Mary Sue I mentioned a while back? Wellllll, here's the first part of that gawd-awful fanfic I planned on writing. It involves her and everyone's favorite little stoner shaman, Naboo.
***Disclaimer*** I’ve noticed there’s quite a bit of fanfics around involving our little enigmatic shaman friend and some random OC…. Naboo would NEVER act romantic, EVER. Anywho, this is a PARODY, ya dig? I swear I write better than this literary vomit. Please, please, please, please, don’t think Magoo is a legit character.
I own no one except for that monstrosity of a Mary Sue. Everyone else belongs to the fabulous Ju-Bear and Fieldmouse
It was another Saturday night on Planet Xooberon. The board of Shamen was throwing yet another one of their parties. One thing was certain, it was going to be wild.
A tiny, raven-haired shaman was at his home, readying himself for the party. This shaman was none other than Naboolio Randalf Roberdy Poberdy the Enigma, or just Naboo for short. Naboo browsed through his wardrobe of variously colored robes, and settled on an obnoxious, paisley robe with a large collar. A huge collar really, big as a house…. A collar sized house. He slipped the robe on with such delicacy, buttoning it half way, making sure a decent amount of chest was showing. This was the 1970s, after all. Why not fit in with the times, the petite shaman thought. He wondered if this party was actually worth going to, and if anyone he actually tolerated would be there. Little did he know, but he was going to meet someone he had never anticipated (or hoped, for that matter) to meet.
Our petite, raven-haired hero stepped off of his Magic Carpet and headed to the side-walk, outside Head Shaman Dennis's house. He could already hear the music. It sounded like something by Rudi and Spider. It sounded like a new sound. El sonido nuevo. thought Naboo. He then remembered to look in his pocket, to double-check if the bag was still there. He was Rudi and Spider's dealer, after all. He then entered Dennis's flat, walking into a loud, dimly lit, smoke-filled room.
Dozens of shamans were there, already off their magical tits. If things were to go according to plan, Naboo wouldn’t even remember who he was within an hour. Admittedly, the miniature shaman was already a bit buzzed, but why not go the extra mile? If you’re gonna go, go large. He wanted to feel like a total wreck in the morning. It would be totally worth it.
Naboo scanned the room, seeing if there was anyone worth talking to around. It was just the usual crowd of shamans, none of which Naboo found particularly likeable, even when shitfaced. He spotted a shaman with an admittedly impressive afro bickering with something that resembled a pink cleft with tentacles, Saboo and Tony Harrison. Naboo really didn’t feel like chatting with either one of them. Neither was particularly fond of him. “An’ so I said ‘No, John Lennon, I ain’t drummin’ for ya.’ But how was I s’posed ta know the Beatles would become world famous?” Tony said in his nasally voice.
“Really, Tony? JOHN LENNON asked you to drum for him?” Saboo said, his voice full of sarcasm. “How can you even hold a bloody drum stick? You don’t have arms, you cleft.”
“How daaaaare you?! I’m a much better drummer than Ringo! This is an outraaaage!”
Naboo just shook his head, downing whatever booze he could find. It looked like he would be drinking alone again. It didn’t take long for the tiny shaman to get completely hammered. He could barely sit up straight.
“Drinking alone, huh?” said a breathy, unfamiliar voice, a girl’s voice.
Naboo looked up, and saw one of the most beautiful creatures he had ever laid eyes on. Standing before him was this tall, gorgeous goddess of a woman. Her long, pink hair draped delicately against her lovely face. Her scarlet eyes seemed to glow, in contrast to her pale lavender skin. Large breasts nearly spilled out of a tiny metallic blue top. She wore a billowy white skirt that revealed long, shapely legs.
“…Fuck, I’m hallucinating again,” said Naboo, as he stared at the lovely creature in front of him.
Naboo thought he heard angels singing in the background. He helplessly watched as a heavenly wind coming from no where blew past, entangling itself in her ethereal pink hair.
It was all too much for him, he had to take a step back.
The step back resulted in him crashing into a tall, dark shaman.
"Watch where you're going, Naboo! This isn't The Crunch, you know, you can't float around stepping on the toes of whoever. Off your tits, already, I presume?" said an angry Saboo, as he pushes past Naboo, knocking him to the ground. A crumpled heap of paisley house-sized-collar-robed Naboo looked up to see an out-stretched lavender hand above him.
"Are you okay?" asked the owner of the hand, in a husky, orgasmic voice.
“Yeah… Saboo’s a ballbag.” The little shaman said groggily. “Uh… who are you?”
“My name’s Magoo Shewah Rainbow Sunshine Torpedo Usagi Tulip Hydrogen Mysteria Kiwi Herpes Broccoli Lily Hauri Falalalala Eunice Schmunice the Mysterious.... the 3rd. But you can call me Maggie!” the girl called Magoo giggled.
“That’s a um… nice name?” Naboo said, not really sounding like he meant it.
He couldn’t take his eyes off this stunningly beautiful girl. Her beauty was almost unnatural. He’d never seen anything quite like her. He really couldn’t get a good glimpse of her face, though. Naboo was about face-level with her incredibly large breasts. The petite mystic rather liked the view he was getting. “So, do you have a name, luv?” Magoo asked, in the same breathy, orgasmic voice as before.
“Yeah it’s… er-... FUCK, what is my name? It’s um… HANG ON, GIVE ME A MINUTE! I KNOW THIS!!!!” he said, clearly off his tits on god-knows how many drugs. “OH WAIT! It’s Naboo! I’m Naboo, that’s who!!!”
Magoo giggled at the fact Naboo forgot his own name. “I like you, Naboo… you’re cute.” She grinned.
“Okay…” said the inebriated little shaman. That really wasn’t much of an answer.
“So what brings you here, Naboo?” the pink-haired girl asked.
“I’mma shaman.” Naboo slurred.
“OHMIGAWD ME TOO!” Magoo squealed “I actually used to be a princess on planet Shakalakalakalakalakalaka Fweeeeeee, but I ran away from home because my parents wanted me to marry some guy, so I’ve been hiding out on Xooberon ever since then. I taught myself shamanism. ALL BY MYSELF!!! Ooh and my familiar is a unicorn! A unicorn with a rainbow mane! His name’s Carl. He only speaks Japanese. Isn’t that cool?!”
“Cheers,” said Naboo in a tone so flat, he might as well have been watching paint dry.
The female shaman continued to babble on about herself, totally unaware of the fact Naboo wasn’t even paying attention. “Oh, and I’m a shape-shifter too. Did I mention that? No, I don’t think I mentioned that.”
“Look uh… girlie, would ya mind keeping’ it down a bit? I’ve got a screamin’ headache here.” The dark-haired mystic said as he rubbed his temples.
He really didn’t have a headache; he just wished that girl would shut the hell up. Perhaps this is why shamans don’t do romance, he thought. He continued to fake having a headache until Magoo said “I can help you feel better, if you want.” She grinned slyly.
“No thanks.” Naboo mumbled.
“Oh, that’s too bad, cause I just happen to have a little something that would probably interest you,” she said, pulling a tiny bag out of her pocket “The most potent drug in existence. It’s super rare, and you can only get it from my home planet. But since you’re not interested…..”
“Gimmie,” he said, reaching for the bag like an ill-mannered child.
“But you said you weren’t interested...” she said teasingly, holding the bag way out of Naboo’s reach.
“I changed my mind. Gimmie!”
“Not so fast, hun. You’ve got to do something for me in return.”